Friday, January 20, 2006

Bowling Fist City Style....

SIDEBAR: I'm drunk

Went bowling tonight with the BIL and SIL, in Mayberry (not really but it felt like it!)

Started with a few pitchers of Amber Boch, which was the closest thing they had to imported beer, and then the fun began...

We were in lanes 3 and 4, and with a $6 fee, every game after was $.50 and every beer and every hot dog etc...

So we're bowling, and 8 o'clock rolls around, and the fool ass behind the counter comes up and says:

FA: is this your last game?

ME: Uh, no, why?

FA: Well, the $.50 games end at 8.

ME: It'd be nice if you'd told us that from the start, but whatev. We are gonna keep bowling.

He's clearly annoyed, but what the fuck? There are about 20 people in the whole place, so who gives a shit?

Deuce, the 6 YO, comes up and tells us a joke:

"Why do women have boobs?"

"I don't know, Deuce, why?"

"So you have something to look at while you're talking to them!!!"

No more "Family Guy" for the kids, apparently they heard that from Peter Griffin!



Then, it happens.... about 457 teenagers come in, and they are standing around...

FA: Um, we are gonna have to move you to lanes 1 and 2, because we have reservations for these lanes...

ME: Uh, okay, can we at least finish the game we are on???

FA: Your scores will move as well.

Fucker! So we graciously move, and we are on the end of the alley, which, when people are coming and going, they can either:
a) walk up one stair and go thru the passage way where the counter and tables are;
b) walk thru where we are bowling

What do you think they were doing? Walking thru where we are bowling!!

So me and the SIL were standing in such a way that they couldn't really get around, but since they tried anyway, I started sticking my foot out and tripping every single teenager that walked thru!

It was a riot for a while, I tell ya! My Hub wasn't too thrilled ( he's a recovering alcoholic so he LOVES it when I get drunk and start fucking with people.)

Hub: I'm gonna have to get in a fight tonight because of you, huh?

ME: Nooooo, I can handle it!

So I tripped some folks, then they started getting wise and watching out for my foot, so it wasn't fun anymore.

Then some guy walks thru, and the Hub says:

"Hey, Jackass, why don't you pay attention when you walk thru here instead of bumping into every fucking person without so much as an excuse me?"

Now, the kid is about, oh, 15, and he looks like he just pissed his pants, cause the Hub is covered with tattoos (sleeves), wearing a Motley Crue tee, 6'1", 240lbs, shaved head, etc, and says, "Sorry..."

Next thing you know, all 457 teenagers are looking at us, and I'm thinking, "There's gonna be a rumble here, soon."

Now the SIL says, "Come with me." and I go, wondering what she's doing, and she's walking thru the throng of teens, bumping into every single one! I finally get the picture, and start ramming these kids, saying, "Oops, SORRY!"

We get back to our lanes, and the BIL says, "Those kids are talking about you, bumping into them and shit."

ME: I can handle them! I'll take them all on!! (clearly drunk, liquid courage!)

Then, one of them walks in front of me, in my lane, as I'm bowling!!

That's it, punk, it's on, now!

ME: That's completely fucking rude!!! Hey, Hairball, you're fucking rude! You don't just go walkin in front of people while they're fuckin' bowling! I'm gonna call your mother!!!

Now, I don't know his mother, but I thought that might jar him into being polite, no, he just laughed.

So now I'm the drunken crazy lady at the bowling alley...oh well, that's why I call myself the "Mayor of Fist City".

4 Comments:

Blogger Nihilistic said...

You so crazy!

Saturday, January 21, 2006 12:01:00 PM  
Blogger Some Random Girl said...

Where does your son get his totally 17 tear old jokes?

Saturday, January 21, 2006 12:01:00 PM  
Blogger Some Random Girl said...

I HATE TEENAGERS!!! Not all of them...Just the rude ones who think they own the world!

Saturday, January 21, 2006 12:04:00 PM  
Blogger The Mayor said...

I am crazy, for some reason teenagers just get me going, they are so fuckin' rude and obnoxious, and their parents just send them off to where ever, probably to get rid of them! My children will NOT behave that way! Ugh.

Saturday, January 21, 2006 2:21:00 PM  

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