Ew, went to the doctor...
Remember last week? About how I hate the doctor? Well, I actually went to my appointment today...
You all probably know how fun it is to be manhandled by a doctor, maybe the men don't, unless they've been checked for prostate cancer. I get there, and I'm completely wishing I hadn't shown up, but in the same sense, glad I did, for now I will know what ails me....
So I get there, put on the shameless gown and wrap the tiny, crappy little sheet around me to cover up what's hanging out, and step on the scale...AGH! I'm borderline obese on the BMI chart!! Forget the prozac, get me a gun!! I weigh about what I weighed when I gave birth to my second spawn!!
Deep breaths, it's not so bad, you still don't weigh as much as your 6 foot tall husband, bonus.
The nurse takes the old blood pressure, and surprisingly it's 124/78, I figured it would be completely thru the roof after the whole actually-making-it-to-the-doctor-thing, and the I've-gained-642 lbs-thing, but okay, not so bad.
Then she comes in, my granola, unibrow, hippie doctor. I love her, she's absolutely easy to talk to, even after she's fondled my breasts for 17 hours and had her hand shoved up in my business, I can still look her in the eye.
So I tell her about my tumor, and she checks it, says it's just a lymph node, not to worry unless it gets about "this" big (holds her hands up for scale), all the while thinking I'm a total freak I'm sure.
Then as she's mauling my boobs, comments on the new tats I've gotten since I've seen her last. Really? Do you remember everyone's tattoos?? That's crazy! Judging by the waiting room, I was the only one under the age of about 120 years old, so maybe not.
She loads me up with enough prozac to kill a horse, and sends me on my way.
Humiliating, as usual, but not as bad as I remember (or think I remember) and I'm back on the magic pills that will turn me back into a size 10!
I can't wait till they kick in... (I'm sure some other people are thinking the same thing right about now.)
You all probably know how fun it is to be manhandled by a doctor, maybe the men don't, unless they've been checked for prostate cancer. I get there, and I'm completely wishing I hadn't shown up, but in the same sense, glad I did, for now I will know what ails me....
So I get there, put on the shameless gown and wrap the tiny, crappy little sheet around me to cover up what's hanging out, and step on the scale...AGH! I'm borderline obese on the BMI chart!! Forget the prozac, get me a gun!! I weigh about what I weighed when I gave birth to my second spawn!!
Deep breaths, it's not so bad, you still don't weigh as much as your 6 foot tall husband, bonus.
The nurse takes the old blood pressure, and surprisingly it's 124/78, I figured it would be completely thru the roof after the whole actually-making-it-to-the-doctor-thing, and the I've-gained-642 lbs-thing, but okay, not so bad.
Then she comes in, my granola, unibrow, hippie doctor. I love her, she's absolutely easy to talk to, even after she's fondled my breasts for 17 hours and had her hand shoved up in my business, I can still look her in the eye.
So I tell her about my tumor, and she checks it, says it's just a lymph node, not to worry unless it gets about "this" big (holds her hands up for scale), all the while thinking I'm a total freak I'm sure.
Then as she's mauling my boobs, comments on the new tats I've gotten since I've seen her last. Really? Do you remember everyone's tattoos?? That's crazy! Judging by the waiting room, I was the only one under the age of about 120 years old, so maybe not.
She loads me up with enough prozac to kill a horse, and sends me on my way.
Humiliating, as usual, but not as bad as I remember (or think I remember) and I'm back on the magic pills that will turn me back into a size 10!
I can't wait till they kick in... (I'm sure some other people are thinking the same thing right about now.)
6 Comments:
that was nice. I think you looked bigger when you got married....That could be one of those 'read from line 6 on your 10th entry things....just so you can see it out of context! ha ha
Must have been the huge white dress!! Now I cloak myself in all black to look slimmer, must be working! I shuddddddder to think about that goddamned scale, I'm quite sure they add poundage to it so they have something else to bitch you out about at the doctor! she did lay off me on the smoking thing, though, which is weird, usually anything that's wrong with me is "because you smoke". Hmmm, maybe she doesn't want me to quit smoking cause I'll get even fatter!
i read "new tats" as "new tits" at first and it made the entry completely different.
Hmm...I haven't had a doctor all in my business in a long time. Not missing it so much either!
That is so weird!! I totally saw tits instead of tats...I mean, it was part of the theme for the day, right? Let's go back to Bally, dammit! I miss the weights.
well technically, I have new tits as well, since they have gained some of the 642 lbs that has tacked itself onto my body!!
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