Dear CBBG...
(Coke Bottle Bottom Glasses)
Oh how I love when you come into my bar and order "Coors Light" every 4 minutes, and say "I'll raise you one" when you tip me. It's so much freakin' fun, I can't hardly stand it.
I especially love when you win $600 on video poker, buy every person in the vicinity a drink, and then DON'T tip me, the bartender that waits on you hand and fucking foot, day after day. Night after night, I serve you beers every 4 minutes for the better part of 8 hours, while you blow your rent on video poker, then buy drinks for all these people that wouldn't normally give you the time of day, because you are so fucking annoying they can't stand you either, but I have to pay attention to you, because, yes, you are an actual customer, and given that fact, I must be decent and attentive, even though I want to tell you to shove your "raise you one" up your fucking ass half the time.
Well, Sir, tonight, I was fed up. After you won $325, and bought "Linda" the hot oldie from the bank her whole entire tab, and didn't tip me jack shit, I cut you off. Normally I don't bother, because you don't get obnoxious, and you aren't driving, most likely because you hawked your car for money to play video crack with, but tonight, fuck you, sir.
I ignored you for the better part of an hour when you where standing there with those rediculous glasses, waiting for me to acknowledge you, which I didn't. Then all of a sudden, you say, "Can I get a Coors Light?", and I say, "I don't think so." which for the record is the polite way of saying, "You, sir, are cut off." but you didn't quite get the picture, did you?
"Now, just what the FUCK did I do??" you say, and I'm sorry to inform you, that will not get you back into my good graces, oh no.
When I tell you I won't have you talking to me like that, and you throw a tantrum like a 3 year old that didn't get a Happy Meal, I will ask you to leave. Please don't go through the bar telling everyone how I just lost a "regular customer", because your piddley $1 tip for every 5 beers does not pay my fucking bills. Actually, what makes it worse is that you buy everyone around you drinks, as though buying them drinks will make them your friends, and sadly, you have no friends, nor will you ever.
So fuck off, sir, and take your gambling non tipping ass elsewhere, so I can give some service to customers that actually appreciate it.
Sincerely,
The Mayor
Oh how I love when you come into my bar and order "Coors Light" every 4 minutes, and say "I'll raise you one" when you tip me. It's so much freakin' fun, I can't hardly stand it.
I especially love when you win $600 on video poker, buy every person in the vicinity a drink, and then DON'T tip me, the bartender that waits on you hand and fucking foot, day after day. Night after night, I serve you beers every 4 minutes for the better part of 8 hours, while you blow your rent on video poker, then buy drinks for all these people that wouldn't normally give you the time of day, because you are so fucking annoying they can't stand you either, but I have to pay attention to you, because, yes, you are an actual customer, and given that fact, I must be decent and attentive, even though I want to tell you to shove your "raise you one" up your fucking ass half the time.
Well, Sir, tonight, I was fed up. After you won $325, and bought "Linda" the hot oldie from the bank her whole entire tab, and didn't tip me jack shit, I cut you off. Normally I don't bother, because you don't get obnoxious, and you aren't driving, most likely because you hawked your car for money to play video crack with, but tonight, fuck you, sir.
I ignored you for the better part of an hour when you where standing there with those rediculous glasses, waiting for me to acknowledge you, which I didn't. Then all of a sudden, you say, "Can I get a Coors Light?", and I say, "I don't think so." which for the record is the polite way of saying, "You, sir, are cut off." but you didn't quite get the picture, did you?
"Now, just what the FUCK did I do??" you say, and I'm sorry to inform you, that will not get you back into my good graces, oh no.
When I tell you I won't have you talking to me like that, and you throw a tantrum like a 3 year old that didn't get a Happy Meal, I will ask you to leave. Please don't go through the bar telling everyone how I just lost a "regular customer", because your piddley $1 tip for every 5 beers does not pay my fucking bills. Actually, what makes it worse is that you buy everyone around you drinks, as though buying them drinks will make them your friends, and sadly, you have no friends, nor will you ever.
So fuck off, sir, and take your gambling non tipping ass elsewhere, so I can give some service to customers that actually appreciate it.
Sincerely,
The Mayor
posted by The Mayor @3/05/2006 02:13:00 AM
7 Comments:
oooooooooohhhhhhhh SNAP! that's the gal I love! You tell em. Gosh, I've missed your letters to the customers!
Heh heh. Now, I've been a bad customer from time to time, but that's mainly due to (my own) ignorance. Ahhh, video poker . . . the illusion of the possibility of wealth without all that pesky work.
I bet he will be back!
LMAO!!!
Ooooh that cracked me up. Been there, done that.
Came over from it2m and stayed for a bit. I like your blog!
SRG: Sadly, the customers haven't been giving me much fodder for the old blog lately, but I guess that's a good thing at work!
John: I have a feeling I wouldn't have to write you a "Fuck you" letter if you came into my bar! Video Crack is the devil, BTW!!
Nihilistic: He came back, the very next day with a $5 bill in hand and an apology. We'll see how long it lasts...
LF: Awesome serving you, My Lady! You don't visit me nearly enough, next time stock up on the O2, wouldja?
j: Thanks for stopping by, welcome, glad you like, I'll be swingin' by your place next!
lol....Very amusing post...and has he come back?
Yep, the next day with a $5 and an apology...
Post a Comment
<< Home