Dear Fruit of my Loins...

Spring break has gone on far too long, children! I know you are bored, as am I, but with one of you asking to play video games every 30 seconds for the last week, and one of you absolutely in love with the sound of your own voice, I'm going insane.

Oh, yes, I'm mommy-blogging, but not the "look how goddamned adorable my kids are" kind, the "give me a bottle of vodka and go away" kind.

Darling Spawns: You've been riding my ass for 8 days, and with 4 to go, I don't know how much more I can stand!

I take you shopping, you are loud, obnoxious, touch everything in the store.

I take you to lunch, you are loud, obnoxious, leave food as far as 5 feet from our table, break all the crayons the waitresses give you to color with, and guilt me into leaving a 100% huge tip, to make up for them having to deal with my pigs.

Now I gotta cut this short, because I hear yelling and fighting...