Non-Tipping Motherfuckers
Sunday was not the day to be fucking with me. Period.
For example, Non-Tipping Motherfucker #1, orders shot after shot of well brandy and a beer back, no tip. I've waited on this fool numerous times, and not once has he tipped me, said please, thank you, nothing.
The straw that broke the camel's back, however, was when he started snapping his fingers to get my attention, and...get this- whistling at me! Like I'm your fucking dog?!?
So he went from getting his shots in a half full rocks glass, to a half full shot glass.
His friend said something about me being rude, and how that won't garner any tips, and I said, "That's fine, I have NEVER been tipped..."(as I looked at the NTMF)
Then I cut him off. Just for fun, he wasn't drunk, I was just tired of being beckoned like Fido and not being tipped for my service.
Non-tipping Motherfucker #2, this is classic...
This guy comes in once or twice a week on my shift, claims he is the designated driver so he needs a free pop (even though he's driving nobody but himself, hi, cheap bastard, much???) and doesn't tip for that.
So last night he had a coupon, buy one dinner get one half off. He orders a 15 dollar steak dinner, and then tries to hand me his coupon.
With a smirk I say: "Uh, it's buy one get one half off!"
So he asks his buddy if he can borrow some money, and gives me a $2 off anything coupon. Now, I know he's gonna pay and not tip, so since I've completely had it with these fools, I go back in the kitchen and tell the boys to "take their sweet ass time with this fucking steak, and while you're at it, play hockey with it or something!" They looked at me like I was crazy, because I never do that.
The soup he order with his dinner was Veggie Beef.
I dug out all the beef, he got just veggie. *muhahaha*
Oh, and I might have broken all his crackers, spilled his soup all over the plate under the cup, and maybe, just maybe, licked the spoon?
*snicker*
I left his steak sitting under the warmer, made sure his onions got cold before I put them on the plate, threw his rice and onions all over the steak, and served.
Made my fucking day, let me tell ya.
For example, Non-Tipping Motherfucker #1, orders shot after shot of well brandy and a beer back, no tip. I've waited on this fool numerous times, and not once has he tipped me, said please, thank you, nothing.
The straw that broke the camel's back, however, was when he started snapping his fingers to get my attention, and...get this- whistling at me! Like I'm your fucking dog?!?
So he went from getting his shots in a half full rocks glass, to a half full shot glass.
His friend said something about me being rude, and how that won't garner any tips, and I said, "That's fine, I have NEVER been tipped..."(as I looked at the NTMF)
Then I cut him off. Just for fun, he wasn't drunk, I was just tired of being beckoned like Fido and not being tipped for my service.
Non-tipping Motherfucker #2, this is classic...
This guy comes in once or twice a week on my shift, claims he is the designated driver so he needs a free pop (even though he's driving nobody but himself, hi, cheap bastard, much???) and doesn't tip for that.
So last night he had a coupon, buy one dinner get one half off. He orders a 15 dollar steak dinner, and then tries to hand me his coupon.
With a smirk I say: "Uh, it's buy one get one half off!"
So he asks his buddy if he can borrow some money, and gives me a $2 off anything coupon. Now, I know he's gonna pay and not tip, so since I've completely had it with these fools, I go back in the kitchen and tell the boys to "take their sweet ass time with this fucking steak, and while you're at it, play hockey with it or something!" They looked at me like I was crazy, because I never do that.
The soup he order with his dinner was Veggie Beef.
I dug out all the beef, he got just veggie. *muhahaha*
Oh, and I might have broken all his crackers, spilled his soup all over the plate under the cup, and maybe, just maybe, licked the spoon?
*snicker*
I left his steak sitting under the warmer, made sure his onions got cold before I put them on the plate, threw his rice and onions all over the steak, and served.
Made my fucking day, let me tell ya.
posted by The Mayor @4/03/2006 10:41:00 AM
13 Comments:
Ugh. I hate customers like that.
I remember a table of three nineteen year old boys who tipped me a quarter, so I left it on the table. They threw it at me as I was walking away. Idiots. Don't mess with a PMS-ing waitress. I turned around, put my tray down, cuffed him in the head and politely asked him if he wanted to eat his fucking quarter. Then I knocked his beer into his lap.
LOL - stripbars are fun to work in sometimes.
When I was still a cop, I responded to a report of a waitress dumping a pot of scalding hot coffee in a patron's lap. Seems he pinched her ass. We determined it was all just a terrible accident. I figure he'd learned his lesson.
You are so wonderfully evil! :)
LOL!!!
Oh and guess what? The truth fairy was caught!! I hear through the grapevine that a few people banded together and found out the IP number which in turn led to a company and one of the people he was harassing was friends with the CEO of that company....HA hA! they made him delete the blog!!!!
Just more proof that revenge is a dish best served cold and messy. I am fortunate enough not to depend on individual generosity for my wages now, but I have in the past. Love to hear you got even!
Thanks hon. It sure is shitty.
I guess we're all getting to the age where this is going to be more and more frequent. Sucks bigtime.
Love it!...damn cheap douchebags anyway.
a. be polite
b. tip
c. have a nicer steak.
I like that math.
%to my favorite brewpub today, I'm cool with the usual bartenders, they know me. I usually tip 20-25% total tab no matter what the food/drink bill or service is. Is that cool? I seem to have a good relationship with them, so I hope so.
I knew I'd fuck up my first ever post to a blog. Oh well. Hi Shelly!
you drunkenly promised to blog about me days ago. now this? we're so over.
As a former food server, I can totally appreciate what you did LOL...that was great!!!!
Oh and thanks again for sending me your link this morning!!!
Diane Byrd
If you can't tip, stay the fuck home. There are rights and privilages. Everyone has the right to stay home and drink like fish. To have a drink prepared for you is a privilage. That privilage costs two bucks a drink.
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