Just Bitching...

Unfortunately the only time I feel like blogging is when I want to bitch about something, or many many somethings. I am (I don't think, anyway) a negative person the majority of the time. But when I'm happy or things are all going well in my life, I'm enjoying myself too much to sit down and write about it.

Right now, however, I'm completely and totally depressed, tired, irritated, burnt out, stressed, the list goes on.... And instead of screaming at my family or slamming things around for the next, say, four of five minutes, I'll sit here and vent.

It's a blast working in a bar, where every customer thinks they are the only person there, and God forbid anyone has to wait longer than 30 seconds for anything.

I also love being the only female in my house, (One adult male, one 14 year old male, one ADHD 9 year old middle child syndrome male, and of course, the baby, a 2 year old male, who is completely spoiled, because he's two) on top of that, none of the other people in my house seem to give 2 shits if the dishes are done (unless they need one) or the laundry is done (unless they need something to wear) the bathroom is clean, the groceries are bought, the garbage is taken out, the cats are fed, the electric bill is a million dollars, cause it's easier to turn on every light in the house than turn them off, easier to turn up the thermostat than put on a goddamn sweater.

In the last week I've become the focus of my boss's tirades. I've been the golden girl for so long, this is starting to really get to me, to the point where I used to see him everyday, and now I avoid him like the plague.

I'm also tired of my "friends".

Evidently their trials and tribulations are much more important, newsworthy, whatever, than mine, and as soon as I start talking, I'm rudely interrupted, so rudely in fact that I'm quite positive they don't even feel the need to PRETEND to be listening.

I've even bored myself with my bitching, so that's it for now.

Hello old friend....

Jeez it's been awhile since I've posted my thoughts regularly on here, I miss doing it...

I guess I've been so busy lately (yeah for the past 2 years ha ha) I haven't thought about getting on here and writing some shit down! Alot and I mean ALOT has changed, but mostly for the better. Hubby and I have been separated for over a year now, getting divorced, neither of us are in a huge hurry though, and we get along better than we ever have... The kids and I got our own place, then shortly after that I met a wonderful guy, and we are looking for a house together, so things are going well... He has almost 2 year old twins full time, hence, I now have almost 2 year old twins full time, plus a thirteen year old boy and a nine year old boy. The twins are boys as well, so I'm still the queen of the castle!

The reason I felt like getting on today and writing is this buying a house shit is frustrating! So many things need to be done before even getting a loan, and in the meantime we are stuck in a too small place, and paying for 2 households while only living in one, since his house is about 45 minutes away, and my kids are in school, he and his kids moved in with me. Either renting out or selling his house, not really sure yet what we are gonna do with it, but paying his mortgage, my rent, 2 houses worth of utilities, 2 car payments, etc etc is getting to be a real strain on the old family fortune if you know what I mean!

Anyway, got turned down today for a loan, so I'm feeling super bummed and wanted to vent about it...

Maybe I'll try to make this blog a habit again... who knows?

Rest in Piece, Dogma...

Wow it's been a year and a half since I've posted anything?!?

Sorry to make my first post back a sad one...

Dogma has lost her battle with Rheumetoid lung, one week shy of moving to Seattle to be placed on the lung transplant list.

Not sure how much people know about it, but she has been on oxygen for 4 or 5 years now, and the doctors told her to lose 50 lbs before she could get on the list. If you're on oxygen and can't breathe, it's very difficult to lose weight, ie: no exercising.

But she did it, she got down below her goal weight, and plans were in the works for the big move. Sadly her heart gave out, and she won't be getting her "shiny new lungs", as she liked to call them.

Rest in Piece Shelly Kay Talent Hansen, aka "Dogma"

The Wagon Ride Is A Bumpy One...

Yep. on day 13, almost made it two weeks, I fell off the wagon. I decided that I didn't need to drink, and I could maybe drink once in a while. Not so much, apparently. One drink turned into 5 drinks and 4 shots on an empty stomach, and my evil twin, "Trixie" came out in full force. That's what I call drunk Mayor, "Trixie". Made some drunken phone calls, sent some drunken texts, and basically disregarded safety, smarts, and feelings. Now it's day 2...

I won't get into details, cause who really cares, right? Let's just say that marriage is a tough thing, and it's even harder when both of you drink, so I guess I'll be the one that doesn't for now.

12 Days Sober...

So, I realized I was outta control, on a downward spiral of alcoholism and self destructive behavior. October 15th was the day I finally hit rock bottom.

Watched a little football, did a little barhopping with the husband, (yes, the one who was sober for 15 years and just picked up a bottle again recently) and came home and promptly picked a fight.

Took off in the Burb totally shitfaced. Made some drunken phone calls, sent some drunken texts messages (should really have a breathalizer on my cell phone) and drove around a little and finally ended up over at a friend's house.

The Husband said he was packing his shit and leaving if I did not return home immediately, I blew him off and stayed out till 3 am.

Long story short, that was the last day I drank.

It's been 12 days now, and I'm hanging in there, which isn't easy to do, considering I'm a BARTENDER, and after work, what have I done for 6½ years? Sat down at my bar and had a shift drink.

Now I sit down and have an ice water.

The first 5 days or so were rough, and I almost gave up on the 6th day, but waited out the desire for a beverage, and it passed.

Now I'm feeling more clearheaded, remembering my evenings instead of living in a blur of drunkeness. It's kinda nice, actually...

Now if I could just quit smoking...

Baby steps.